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Monster High
List Price: $14.94
Available from Amazon
$13.49
on 12-7-2008
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Features
Actors: Bob Cady, Diana Frank, Troy Fromin, David Fuhrer (II), Sean Haines
Format: Color, DVD-Video, Full Screen, Subtitled, NTSC
Language: English
Subtitles: English
Region: Region 1 encoding (US and Canada only)
PLEASE NOTE: Some Region 1 DVDs may contain Regional Coding Enhancement (RCE). Some, but not all, of our international customers have had problems playing these enhanced discs on what are called "region-free" DVD players. For more information on RCE, click here.
Aspect Ratio: 1.33:1
Number of discs: 1
Rating: 
Studio: Sony Pictures
DVD Release Date: October 4, 2005
Run Time: 84 minutes
Average Customer Review:
  (8 customer reviews)
Reader Reviews
I'm certainly not expert on cinema, but I've seen enough to know one of the worst kinds of movies is an unfunny comedy, which is exactly what we have here with Monster High (1989). The last time I saw something this rotten was when I watched The Party Animal (1984), which is also available on DVD, if you're interested. Co-written by Roy Langsdon (The Forbidden Dance) and John Platt, who would later go on to produce a slew of those oh so wonderful reality shows that plague the television like "Big Brother", "The Amazing Race 2", and "Brat Camp", Monster High was directed by Rudiger Poe, in his only credit to date, which really wasn't a surprise to me given how poor this film actually was...appearing in the movie is Dean Iandoli, whose only other credit is an episode of "Law & Order", Diana Frank (Dead of Night), and David Marriott (Zombie Death House, Operation Warzone). Also appearing is Robert Lind (L.A. Story), Sean Haines, Doug Kerzner, Bob Cady (Alligator II: The Mutation), and Susan Smeltzer. As the movie begins, we're supposed to be on another plane of existence (as far as I can tell), and we get a taste of the tepidly banal humor yet to come as one character comments on another by stating "You look like a hemorrhoid with eyebrows." Seriously, this is about as good as it gets, as things proceed to go downhill from here. Seems a pair of doofy aliens named Dume (Lind) and Glume (Haines) are in the process of stealing the ultimate weapon in the universe. They make off with a crate containing said item, and take it to Earth in an effort to take over the universe, or something like that. Within the crate is a basketball, which is actually a sphere of imprisonment, housing a character named Mr. Armageddon (Marriott), who escapes and takes up residence in a nearby high school. It's about this time when we meet Norm Median (Iandoli) and Candice Cain (Frank), students who attend the high school. Norm's a regular schmuck who has the hots for French foreign exchange student Candice, but she doesn't seem to know he exists. Anyway, we get to meet some of the other students and faculty, many of them with supposedly humorous names like Miss Anna Thorpe (get it? Misanthrope? Ah, forget it...), Mel Anoma, class stoner Orson 'O.D.' Davis, Coach Otto Parts, the nerdy Eggbert Hoser, and so on...see, I told you things would get worse. Anyway, Mr. Armageddon begins killing off the students and creating monsters, all in an effort to bring about the end of existence. Some stuff happens, some more stuff happens, and eventually everything culminates into a showdown as the school's basketball team plays against Mr. Armageddon and his monsters, the fate of the universe hanging in the balance. This is one of those films I would call a `career killer'. Seriously, look at those involved. How many actually went on to other things in terms of movies and television? Very few, and I'll tell you why...this isn't a credit one would probably be proud, or even want, to display on one's resume. The only ones who seem to have survived the aftermath are Diana Frank, who apparently had to return to Europe to continue her acting career, and the writers, both of whom should have been banished to a realm where little demons poke at their nether regions with sharp, pointed sticks for the cinematic hurting they inflicted upon my sensibilities with this dreck. Juvenile humor I can deal with...cornball humor I can deal with...but this movie has neither. It's awash with the most insipid, idiotic, imbecilic material I've had to suffer through in a long time. It was like spending an hour and a half with Carrot Top, only slightly less enjoyable. There are those who will try and tell you this is a spoof, and it was made bad on purpose, but I don't buy that as justification for how really shoddy the material is in this film. There's only the most basic sense of comedy within, the same sort used in those Bazooka Joe cartoon strips found along side the bubblegum, only here it lasts for an hour and a half. The filmmakers seemed to try and compensate for their pathetic attempts at humor by throwing in some breasts here and there, and while this did provide a slight distraction, it only served to prove how little the makers of this film had going on...so very odd to see a torso shot of a pair of bouncing jubblies pop up on the screen for no reason whatsoever. I thought Ms. Frank was attractive, even though it was obvious body doubles were used for the scenes when she was supposed to pop her top (the numerous body doubles for Ms. Frank had melons of varying sizes). There was one sequence I did find humorous near the end, as the basketball game to decide the fate of all existence comes to a close. Given the game was supposed to be the big finale piece of the movie, it was fairly boring and poorly shot, but the final bit when Norm makes the tie breaking shot results in a decent, fifteen second bit. This in no way made up for the other 63 minutes and 45 seconds of crud, but it did make me chuckle. The picture, presented in fullscreen (1.33:1) format, is decent, but obviously served up by Sony in terms of it being `as is', meaning they didn't bother to clean it up or anything before transferring it to DVD, resulting in a slightly fuzzy quality throughout. The quality of Dolby Digital 2.0 audio is appropriate for the picture, meaning it ain't all that how, either. There are no extras, but Sony was kind enough to slap on a slew of previews for their other DVD releases like Boogeyman (2005), Devour (2005), the television miniseries Kingdom Hospital (2004), Vampires: The Turning (2005), Frankenfish (2004), and something called Chupacabra Terror (2004). Cookieman108
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Monster High
List Price: $14.94
Available from Amazon
Price: $13.49
Updated on 12-7-2008.
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